To all the kids who survived the 1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s.

You have no idea how friggin’ lucky you are to have survived!

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

Oh, but there's more ---- read on!

The Saga of The Vigilante Kid

It's a story that will send chills down your spine. Click below to see the entire saga.

Someone is out there right now trying to think up ways of stealing something precious from you.

Oh, it's so true. Everywhere you look and everywhere you don't look, they're out to get you! How do I know? Because I watch television news. My heroes on television never, ever lie to me. They have my best interests at heart. That's why I give them my loyal attention. That's why I never miss the dire warnings they deliver to me each day.

How in the world I survived childhood is the mystery of all mysteries. Hold onto your hats folks -- this isn't going to be pretty. You might not want your kids reading this. Graphic warning!!!! Not for the feint of heart! Turn back now! This could give your kids nightmares and maybe ruin them for life! Are you ready? Are you sure? OK, you've been warned.